A frustrated and talentless former "musician," James Gagne read the works of Lester Bangs and Martin Popoff, and came to the conclusion that he could do a fusion of the two.
Now, with his poison keyboard, he does his best to help the average metalhead avoid buying the same type of musical missteps that he himself was once responsible for.
"If I can save one listener from post-purchase regret, then
I have not typed in vain," vows James.
"Hipsters actually get paid more for writing blurbs on the stickers that go on the CD wrapper, when their words mislead and confuse people; so they buy out of misguided curiosity. Until I see some of that payola, publicists everywhere will cringe at the sound of my French-inflected name," he continues,
as if anyone is still reading his drivel.
James Gagne is known in sleazier circles as "Jimmy the G."